Is it really that hard?

Why is it that I can grab handfuls of fat? You'd think this restricting would have done something for me. In the mirror, I see my ribs..but below my ribs is a pouch of FAT. Why can't I keep the control I had for so long? The past 3 days have been TERRIBLE. WHY, can't I be happy with myself? All I want is to be happy and thin. Thin means being happy, and being happy means being thin.